Comments on Patience Mason's PTSD Blog: Is it ethical to send people with PTSD back to war...

Thank you Patience for your message. I have decide...

2009-06-01T22:43:10.415-05:00

Thank you Patience for your message. I have decided to stay and fight and I do believe he is worth the fight. I will be telling him this tomorrow when we meet with our counselor. He is still determined to return overseas but he seems at times to question that decision. I don't think there is any way I can keep him from going back. I know that I don't want to tell him that if he leaves I will leave him because he will still go.
I was afraid that if I continued to show my determination in regards to me staying when he wants me to leave, that perhaps it was making things worse. I'm relief to hear that its ok for me to be honest in my support for him.
Again, I thank you for your wonderful advice, I have learned so much from you!

Do you want to move on? If you don't then keep wor...

2009-06-01T21:23:25.827-05:00

Do you want to move on? If you don't then keep working at your marriage.
To do that you will have to let him feel bad when he does. He's allowed to feel bad. He probably has a lot to mourn. Trying to make him be happy is a common mistake. He has to work through the pain in some way that works for him which means you will have to work on yourself to keep from trying to make it all okay. I didn't know how to let Bob feel bad, because I was raised to fix things. Maybe you were too. The good little woman role.
In the past, once a soldier had PTSD, he was NEVER returned to the combat zone for any reason. They want to go back because it is comfortable and often because they want to help the guys that are there now because they have valuable experience. I consider the current military practice of sending people back on drugs as unfounded on any studies and therefore unethical.
I don't know if you can keep him from deploying again. Perhaps he would let you come and talk to his psych about it and see what the professional opinion is about it.
I also think that it would hurt you more for him to end it, and you should tell him that. That doesn't mean he will do as you want, but you will have been honest.
Sometimes when Bob would say I should divorce him, I would say, "You are worth the pain."

Patience, I first want to say thank you for the wo...

2009-06-01T11:22:27.507-05:00

Patience, I first want to say thank you for the wonderful information you are putting out there. In my search to find help for my husband, I have come across your blog and I'm now reading your book, "Recovering From The War". I have recently started my own blog, in hopes that I can help someone going through the same thing.

I have 4 children with my husband and after his second deployment to Iraq his PTSD symptoms became apparent. We are going through a very hard time. In not knowing what he was really going through, (and him having an emotional affair with someone), I asked him to move out of our home. We have since started to see a counselor together. He comes around and things seem to be getting better between us. The problem now is that he tells me that he feels like damaged goods and that he wants me to move on and find someone who can make me happy.
How do I get him to understand that I want to stay and support him through this, without making him feel bad and how do I continue to fight for our marriage when he keeps telling me to move on. He says he wants to deploy again and I feel that it will only make him worse. That's another reason why he tells me to find someone else because he will feel guilty if he comes back worse.
Should I just completely back off and let him go overseas again. I don't really know where I stand with him, he wont tell me he loves me anymore, but I know deep down inside he does. He says he is just so overwhelmed by everything that he doesn't want to hurt me more than he already has.
What advice can you give me?

Amen. Forget the meds, let's work this through!

2009-04-28T12:07:00.000-05:00

Amen. Forget the meds, let's work this through!