I thought I would start posting stuff here about my ideas for a new book on PTSD, a sort of handbook where you can look up a symptom or a treatment and see what is known about it.
I just finished a book called After Action by Dan Sheehan. I highly recommend it and his second book, Continuing Actions. He was a Marine Cobra pilot in the invasion of Iraq, but for me the importance of the book is that he noticed he was affected, tried not to be, and eventually realized that if he did not deal with what he was trying not to feel, it would affect his kids.
This is an insightful man!
He was also much older than, for example, my husband who went into combat at 22, or the 18 year old grunts in most wars...
My favorite line in the book: "But I wasn't interested in being honest–I wanted to be fine."
I have never met a veteran who didn't want to be fine.
So this got me thinking about the use of fine as an acronym, which Bob claims I only like because it has the word fuck in it. (Probably true!)
The acronym: fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional, according to some AA people I know.
I go for fucked up. A lot of vets feel that war fucked them up even though they don't want to admit it.
Insecure works for me, too. Most vets are super aware of danger and may even read danger into many things.
Neurotic means nothing to me, so I would substitute numb for that, since being numb keeps you able to do your job in the midst of danger and chaos. Finally I think emotional is a good thing when you are not in combat, so I put egotistical in it's place.
So the page in my new book would read something like this:
I'm FINE.
Many people are actually happy, productive, relaxed and aware when they say they are fine.
Some people say they are fine to deflect attention from how they do feel because they were taught that this was the only acceptable answer. Anything else makes you a wuss, a whiner, a loser.
Reality is that most people who come back from war, or survive another trauma, are not fine, so if that might fit you, here are some questions to think about:
How or why might you be fucked up? Are you saying or thinking if you'd been through what I've been through, you'd be fucked up too? If you had my wife, husband, boss, kids, etc.
How are you insecure? Are you sleeping with a gun? Driving like a maniac? Not trusting anyone?
How are you numb? Do you have to be in danger to feel alive? Can you feel sad? Can you feel love?
How are you egotistical? Do you want everything your way? Is there flexibility in your relationships? Do you yell if things are not done 'right'?
Think about these questions and see if you are actually fine or not.
So that would be one page in the book, and I would like feedback on the idea. Please post it here on the blog.
I believe this approach is very good as the words are readily identifiable by anyone and likely point out those symptoms which have PTSD written all over them; symptoms which others without PTSD may experience for a different reason, but common for anyone with a 'mental trauma' such as combat. I believe simplicity is always the best route, and this fits that category.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dave.
ReplyDeleteI think the concept is a good one. People have short attention spans and need something, a hook, to grab, hang onto, and identify with. Once they have identified, they will hopefully keep going. I think some other examples like over medicating (drugs, liquor), hopelessness, worthlessness, bad dreams are ones that women would especially relate to.
ReplyDeleteI like where you're going here. And of course it applies to ALL human beings who have suffered traumas (which you hint to). I think it's important to help people understand that, if you are living a life that is anything but happy (and I mean happy from the core -- happy to be yourself, to love yourself and others and generally just feel good about life), then you have things you need to work out.
ReplyDeleteFunny thing is, we all have things to work out...but HOW are we doing that. Well, we can't do it alone, although it does require effort on the individual's part to love themselves (which only they can do) -- we need others who we can relate to. We need others who have found resolution that can convey to us how they've healed or how they're healing. Not coping. Healing.
Just like most prescription drugs don't solve anything (they just numb) -- things like AA meetings, help-groups, etc don't really solve problems. It takes an individual looking inward first, asking themselves, "What is at the root of my anger / depression / problems?" and slowly identifying that core element that lingers, like a splinter in our heel, that really need to be removed and not just covered with Dr. Scholls gel bandages.
I like where you're going with this :)
I like where you're going here. And of course it applies to ALL human beings who have suffered traumas (which you hint to). I think it's important to help people understand that, if you are living a life that is anything but happy (and I mean happy from the core -- happy to be yourself, to love yourself and others and generally just feel good about life), then you have things you need to work out.
ReplyDeleteFunny thing is, we all have things to work out...but HOW are we doing that. Well, we can't do it alone, although it does require effort on the individual's part to love themselves (which only they can do) -- we need others who we can relate to. We need others who have found resolution that can convey to us how they've healed or how they're healing. Not coping. Healing.
Just like most prescription drugs don't solve anything (they just numb) -- things like AA meetings, help-groups, etc don't really solve problems. It takes an individual looking inward first, asking themselves, "What is at the root of my anger / depression / problems?" and slowly identifying that core element that lingers, like a splinter in our heel, that really need to be removed and not just covered with Dr. Scholls gel bandages.
I like where you're going with this :)
Of course I said I was fine. No one really wanted to hear anything else. When I admitted I'd been in Nam, over 25 years later, and was diagnosed with PTSD, guys would ask what had happened. When I started to tell them, their eyes kind of glazed over and they found they had something else to do.
ReplyDeleteFUCKED UP: Pretty much speaks for itself. What kid, put in these situations isn't going to come out of it screwed up?
INSECURE: All the time you were there, the smallest mistake or omission could cost a life or lives. You never forget that and somehow, everything you ever do seems to carry the same import.
NUMB: You can't have feelings, with the definite exception of anger or rage. They carry far too much cost. My wife used to do all she could to get me to lose my temper because at least then I'd show some emotion. Otherwise, I didn't show any at all.
EGOTISTICAL: I'm not sure that I agree with you totally about this being egotistical. Do I need things done my way? Yes. But that is because I can be sure they are done right. And in my mind things are still a matter of life and death. Things HAVE to be done right.
But I'm getting better about all of this.
I like your takes Dick. The nuanced fashion in the ways the PSTD Intruder enters our conscious and unconscious life are as ubiquitous as the weather. Starting with the days way back in the 20th century when I completed a 19 day resident PTSD program to this moment, I am struck on a daily basis of how many times the aspect of "numb" enters the back door and asks me to dance.I like the interactive way that Patience is approaching this project.So,I want to give this a bit more of the muse and return here for some more input. Glad to be amongst you all.
ReplyDeleteI like the look of your example page for the upcoming book! I think people use the word FINE across a wide variety of mental disorders such as anxiety, depression, PTSD etc. to cover how they feel and often as family and loved ones we need to understand that FINE isn't FINE at all. I will be reading through a few more of your blogs and don't hesitate to get in touch with me, thanks sincerely, Bob.
ReplyDelete